Archive for May 8th, 2013

May 8, 2013

NRA: ‘The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a plastic gun is a good guy with a plastic bazooka’

by philapilus


Gun Con

“I’ll give you my gun when you pry it from my sweaty, shaking, overexcited hands. Anyway, it’s more like a video game if it’s made of plastic. No one ever got hurt by a video game, did they?”

The National Rifle Association has today issued a statement condemning the condemnations of the world’s first 3D-printed gun.

The gun, developed by controversial company Defense Distributed, has caused alarm, as it will make deadly weapons available to anyone who downloads the blueprint off the internet and can afford the cost of 3D printing.

But Randy Bumfukwizc, spokesperson for the NRA, said “The Second Amendment directly

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May 8, 2013

Queen to reinstate capital punishment

by philapilus


English: Whipping post and stocks Historic pun...

Finally there will be a reason to buy the crappy out-of-date fruit that the cornershop sells

Her Majesty the Queen is expected to outline a number of socially regressive laws in her speech today, including the reintroduction of capital punishment, the placing of debtors in stocks to be pelted with rotten fruit, and a referendum on the EU.

Riding the tide of current royal popularity, after the jubilee and royal wedding, she will say that “We have long been minded to turn the clock back, and now we are bloody well going to do it.

“Our country is filled with oiks and upstarts, and, as Blur said, modern life is rubbish. So we intend to

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May 8, 2013

Boaring Uproar in Forest of Dean over ‘cruel or cool?’ cull question

by philapilus
English: An actor dressed as Obelix in Roman M...

They might be good at killing boar, but these Gauls are crazy. No, seriously. This guy was sectioned moments after the photograph was taken.

The Forest of Dean has become the site of a new ecological row this week, after it emerged that authorities are planning a massive cull of the wild boar living there.

Many local residents welcome the Forestry Commission’s proposed cull, pointing to the damage boars have done to their property and community.

Dickie Head, head of the local residents association, Local Residents Association, said “This used to be a nice neighbourhood. Now there’s boar all over the place. They listen to loud music, they hang around street corners drinking, and petty thefts have gone up in the area 400%.

“They really lower the tone, with

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