Severe Weather Warning: Nigel Farage

by philapilus
English: Nigel Farage at Lord's cricket ground...

God help us all

The Met office has released a nation-wide alert today, as it emerged that Britain is facing severe amounts of Nigel Farage.

As polls opened this morning for county council elections across England, news channels warned that high levels of Nigel Farage are to be expected, which could affect voting.

Schools and businesses will remain open, but the Met Office forecasts that “Britain will be inundated with Nigel Farage by midday, with Farage continuing well into the night, and persisting over the next few days. In some areas, Nigel Farage might even result in UKIP, which is likely to stay around much longer.”

Some independent meteorology analysers warn that it is even possible that UKIP and Nigel Farage will form an ‘Imperfect Storm’, severely disrupting Britain’s traditional weather patterns of high conservative fronts across the Southern regions.

A Met Office spokesman said “Nigel Farage is unusual at this time of year – well, unsual at any time of year to be honest – but with the erosion of Britain’s economy-systems over the past few years, and with record levels of fuckwittery precipitating across England, Farage is likely to be an increasingly regular occurence; I am afraid we are likely to see more Farage as time goes on.”

Experts say that the problem is wider and even more serious than is currently known.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough Sewage-System School for Meteorology Stuff, said “The effects of global economic-climate change have meant that the UK is experiencing ever-greater levels of hot air, and the release of huge amounts of gas, all of which increases the likelihood that common sense will continue to melt across the country, and thick layers of Farage may become commonplace.

“Terrifying, isn’t it?”


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