Suarez to face severe punishment. Or not.

by philapilus
English: Luis Suarez made by Paul Blank of www...

“He tasted like chicken”

Luis Suarez, Liverpool striker, will today be dealt extremely harsh and punitive measures by the FA, after biting Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic. Or he might be told not to kick a ball about for a little while.

The renowned international star – whose every move is watched around the world by Liverpool’s legion of fans, which includes impressionable children – bit the Chelsea defender during a game on Sunday.

In a statement later, Suarez apologized for his behaviour and said “Obviously I shouldn’t have physically and violently assaulted another sportsman.

“On the other hand, what the hell is the big deal? I was just really hungry. Starving, in fact. You know how you can’t eat before a big game? Well I hadn’t had my Weetabix, and I felt really peckish.”

A Liverpool spokesman said that Suarez’s behaviour was “Bad, but, not like, really bad. It’s not like he bit someone in a pub. Or in Sainsbury’s. Or on the bus. Or anywhere that would, in normal life, get him sectioned or arrested. It was just on the pitch, and besides, he’s famous. So it’s fine.”

Rick Head, president of the ‘Football Krazy Fanclub’, said “He did the…you know, with his teeth. But they aren’t like us. They’re like gods. And they’re great sportsmen. We can’t judge them by our standards, even when they’re rolling on the floor to get penalties, time-wasting, raping teenaged girls, match-fixing, or trying to eat one another on the pitch. Who are you to judge them?”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: