“Move to UK? Um…thanks, but no thanks” say migrants

by philapilus


Hours of Delay

Actually there are huge queues of foreign nationals massing in British airports. But only because they’re trying to get out of the bloody country before it becomes even more of a shithole

Patriotic sentiment up and down the country has been wounded and incensed this morning, by news that the mass wave of immigrants expected to come and take everyone’s jobs now seems unlikely to materialise.

BBC Newsnight polls showed that, contrary to the warnings printed in big capital letters in every issue of the Daily Mail for the last few years, hordes of Romanians and Bulgarians “Are not about to descend on the country like a swarm of locusts.”

The polls suggest that people in Romania and Bulgaria would rather go to Italy, Germany, or even North Korea and Papua New Guinea, rather than work in the UK.

Newsnight researchers say that the majority of respondents’ comments were variations on “Work in your shitty litle country? Are you fucking insane? No fucking way!”

John Littledick, writing in the Daily Mail today, said “These bloody immigrants! You can’t trust them to do anything! I thought they were going to come and take our jobs, and I had four new Union Jack tattoos done specially across my cheeks. I spent weeks making big ‘Go home you bastards’ banners for all the protests.

“And now they aren’t even coming?! The trouble is, they think they’re better than us, that Britain isn’t good enough for them.

“Well I’ll show those wankers. I’m going to start a campaign, right here in these hallowed pages, to force those bloody Bulmanians and Rogarians to come and do the jobs that decent-well-mannered ordinary British people shouldn’t have to do. Like picking shit off the streets. Why should we have to do that??

“But oh no; they would rather pick up German shit off German streets. Who won the bloody war?” 


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