Bored surgeons demand TV during operations

by philapilus
Physicians perform laparoscopic stomach surger...

The team take a break to watch ‘Alien’

A new scheme is being trialled at Peterborough City Hospital, to deal with the problem of surgeons getting increasingly fed up of the whole cutting-people-open thing.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, Head of Surgery, said “Although the human body is indeed a truly marvellous thing, there’s only so many times you can hack out an ingrowing toenail, or lop off someone’s piles, before you’re bored to distraction.

“Increasingly my surgeons are finding it harder and harder to stay awake, and many only stay focussed now by performing surgical practical jokes to combat the ennui. One patient left the OR last week with his bum completely sewn up. He couldn’t take a crap for three days, when we finally removed the stitches.

“It’s funny, but it’s not what I would call appropriate, exactly.”

McEyebrau has launched a new scheme, whereby his surgeons are allowed to watch films or television during operations, to relieve the monotony.

So far the movies that have been most frequently screeened in the theatre are Dirty Dancing, and the Sound of Music.

According to the hospital these films have been chosen “More to annoy the patients than anything else. Nothing cheers a surgeon up as much as watching someone under local anaesthetic writhing in agony, as they are forced to watch godawful shite.”

President of the Royal College of Surgeons, Professor Sir Lesley Fanshawe-Haines-Haines, said “I want to roll this out across the whole country, and I urge the government to agree.

“I am not exactly demanding it,” he added, “but I can tell you that there are going to be a lot more people who won’t be able to take a dump anymore if you don’t let us do this.”

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