Labour mark Thatcher’s death with commemorative split

by philapilus
Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingd...

It was especially hard for him, as he’s never been good at creating disunity

It emerged yesterday that the reason few Labour MPs attended Wednesday’s Parliamentary session commemorating Margaret Thatcher was because they were “Busy planning something really special for her as a send-off”.

The majority of the MPs who attended the Parliamentary recall were Conservatives, and it was initially thought that Labour were abstaining to make a political point.

But Labour unveiled a surprise ‘Maggie tribute’, by embarking upon what Ed Miliband called “A proper, good old-fashioned Thatcher-era internicine Labour split”.

The Leader of the Opposition said “What better way to mark the passing of this titan than to re-live some of that brilliant infighting and self-destructive factionalism of ours, which allowed the great lady to win three general elections in a row?”

Tony Blair got the ball rolling with a subtle snipe at Ed Miliband in a New Statesman article. This was then expanded upon by Lord Mandelson and Alan Milburn, who called Miliband “A pansy dickwad”, with Frank Field retaliating by linking ‘New Labour’ with Thatcher-era free market economics, and suggesting that Blair “liked to take it up the arse from John Major”. 

Ed Miliband himself then waded in, telling the Times that he was moving on from “Blair’s fuckwittery”, and that “Tony has some good features; for instance his ego is large enough to shelter the Greater London area in case of sudden rain.

“No but seriously, he’s a total tosser.”

This morning infighting erupted across the Labour party, with MPs constantly splintering into ever-smaller factions, until by lunchtime the party achieved the time-honoured leftist tradition of everyone having their own individual party, and all of them violently disagreeing with all the others.

A few MPs, like Glenda Jackson, not only abstained from the special re-enactment being laid on, but were even rude enough to turn up to Thatcher’s wake on Wednesday and attack the Saintly woman’s legacy.

But Conservatives were quick to point out that this was hardly a good use of an extra parliamentary session, convened at potential costs to the taxpayer of up to £3000 per MP.

David Cameron said “I am not going to name names, but a certain former actress’s statement was bloody rude. It dishonours the memory of a Great Briton to display such irreverence as to actually analyse the things she did. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; the House of Commons is not the place for political debate.”

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