Di Canio: “I am NOT a racist fascist, just a fascist. Except that I’m not a fascist. Obviously.”

by philapilus
After taking power, Mussolini was often seen i...

“It’s not a political gesture”

Ex-footballer and Sunderland manager Paolo Di Canio gave a press conference last night, in which he told reporters that “I wish everyone would leave me alone, you know? I’m just going through one of those periods in life – everyone gets them – when you try experimental stuff out, you know?

“So what if I dabbled in a little fascism? I don’t see what the big deal is. A fascist salute here, a Nazi belief or two there – maybe even a tattoo of Mussolini covering my entire body, and a life-sized Hitler doll in my bed at night; none of it means anything.”

Di Canio likened his harmless experimentation to the sexual awakening of adolescence, saying “It’s like when I was boy, and one day I discovered wanking. You know, how you first discover wanking? And you just do it like fifteen times a day, every day, ceaselessly, you know, really experimenting, innocently, just endlessly tossing off?

“And I think that’s great, you know, having one off the wrist every day, several times a day, several times an hour even. I still do, as a matter of fact. Why, I’m doing it under this table while I speak to you.”

After a brief pause and a sigh of pleasure, the controversial footballer said “I think that the fact that I am a renowned international celebrity and a spokesperson in a sport watched by billions gives me the right to dabble in a little hardline rightwing thinking every now and then. And continual self-abuse.

“What I am saying is that all I care about is football, and my family. And having a good old wank as often as I can. And baby-lotion. But there is absolutly nothing wrong with espousing a little bit of Hitler-love and then retracting it and insisting that I am not a political person.”

“I am not who they say I am. I may be many things; a serial masturbator, a fascist, a racist, a massive wanker, a politically infantile hate-filled moron, a fascist tosspot, but I am NOT a major political figure.”

David Miliband, who resigned as the club’s vice-chairman over Di Canio’s appointment, said this morning “No-one’s arguing with that part.”

English: Paolo Di Canio Upton Park 11 Septembe...

Yesterday Paolo very nearly managed the salute without falling over

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