Agony Auntie’s Knee: with Chris Brown

by philapilus
Chris Brown

This is his ‘thinking face’. It is usually followed by him falling over.

TMB offers you the opportunity to sit down on the knee of our regular agony aunt, the wonderful Chris Brown, and share your problems.

This week, Tony from Balham says:

Dear Chris

When my wife of 44 years died in January 2012, I was sure I would never love again. She was my soul-mate, my One, and the crushing pain of losing her crippled me inside. But a few weeks ago, I met a lady at my art class, a retired teacher, just like me. Our brushes touched in the paint-pot, only for a moment, but I have been thinking about her ever since. Should I ask her on a date? Or am I just a silly, muddle-headed old fool?

Chris Brown says:

Tony you c***, listen up motherf*****, you be all like needy and cryin and s***, but you need to slap that b**** in the face, and be all like “Nah B****, that’s MY p****, don’t you let any other motherf***** near it.

Then you got to shove your c*** in her face and be all like, “Suck this b****, before I strangle you.

Then you strangle her anyways. That’s gangsta motherf*****’ s*** right there.

You beat that b**** till she end up in f****** hospital, and then you get her broken face tattooed on your motherf****** neck. That, Tony, is my advice to you.

Peace out.

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