Breaking News: France capitulates to Mali

by philapilus
Satellite image of Mali

Big diggers are being used to cut out Mali, so it can be airlifted to the European mainland by a fleet of helicopters and stitched onto the side of France.

This morning the French forces suppressing Islamist insurgency in Mali have surrendered to the numerically inferior rebels, in accordance with their time-honoured military traditions.

President Hollande has announced that he will officially cede power at 11AM, and a Vichy-style government will be installed.

Flying the white flag of truce – or ‘the France Flag’ – as it is colloquially known, Commander Pierre Fromage of the SFSF (Stereotypically French Special Forces) said “Whilst we ‘ave been doing much more better than usual in zis war, we must hold up ze French tradition, and surrender most gallantly. Zis way we ‘ave ze honour intact, Vive la Fran- non, non, ‘Vive La Mali!”

The small band of Malian Jihadist professional nutjobs have released a Youtube video in which they expressed some surprise, but overall general excitement, at the news that they are now going to control a major European country.

“This is great,” said a spokesman, “I have always wanted to watch Emmanuelle, and now I am going to sit outside a cafe, drinking red wine, eating cheese, and watching French softcore porn until my eyes bleed.

“I know its not quite in keeping with the Jihad, but it beats hiding out in a fucking desert making homemade bombs, I can tell you.”


The Morning Babel would like to point out that it in no way endorses racial generalisations or the mockery of religion, unless it is funny, in which case, fuck ’em all.

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