Archive for January 28th, 2013

January 28, 2013

Monkey’s attempt to escape Iran foiled

by philapilus
Ares I-X launches from Kennedy Space Center la...

This one was stolen by weevils

NASA say they have fished a message in a bottle out of the ocean, purportedly written by the monkey that Iran claims to have sent into space on a sub-orbital test-flight. In it the monkey supposedly reveals that he has in fact stolen a Pishgam rocket from the space program, in a bid to flee the country.

“You would not believe how unbelievably awful being a monkey in Iran is,” he writes, “you can’t even get drunk, and as for drugs… well, you can get stoned, but not in a good way.”

The message goes on to say that, despite having a truly remarkable cultural history and a civilization which has flowered over millennia, Iran is now basically as rubbish as any other country run by a theocratic misogynistic bunch of bastards.

“I have pinched this rocket in order to

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