“I can’t stop killing” admits Harry

by philapilus
English: Prince William of Wales & Prince Henr...

William is said to be so frightened that he will only travel with Harry in an open-topped vehicle, so that everyone can see exactly what his brother is doing

Prince Harry surprised journalists yesterday when he revealed openly that he has killed people. The prince was interviewed after his most recent tour in Afghanistan as a helicopter commander, when he dropped the bombshell – presumably literally.

“I have always felt that, prince or no, I have a job to do,” said Prince Harry, “and that job inevitably involves killing people. But more than that, it’s something that I feel I need to do, something to which I have been called, you might say.”

He went on “And some of those killings were made in my official capacity as a member of the armed forces. Granted, not the majority of them, but a fair few, all the same.”

The prince, who is also known as ‘Captain Wales’, ‘Herr Nazi Kommandant’, and ‘That idiot who was nude in Vegas’, said “My father is always telling me to be a prince first, and a murderer second. But then, he hugs trees and goes on about carbuncles, which I can only assume are a sort of fruit.

“Whereas my grandfather is well up for it. He was the one who taught me how to hit a gypsy rambler from 200 yards with a high-powered sniper rifle, and it was he who introduced me to the joys of slowly strangling one of the the house-staff until you hear their neck snap.”

The prince ended the interview saying “I think, given how much of an arse my father was to my dear old mum, and given how grandfather has managed to keep his numerous affairs with supermodels relatively hush-hush, he is the role-model that mum would have wanted me to emulate.”

Whilst many members of the royal family have moonlighted as killers in the past, whether for money, sport, or sexual satisfaction, some people feel that Harry’s admittance of being “Preternaturally compelled to do it, and utterly unable to stop” makes him uniquely unsuited to the role of King of England.

Responding to concerns over whether a serial killer was a fit role-model to remain a potential heir to the throne, the BBC’s royal correspondent, Lenny Henry, said “No that’s rubbish! He’s hardly likely to actually become king is he?!

“I mean, his brother’s married now, and going to have a child of his own. There would have to be several deaths before Harry got to the throne and…oh, yes. No, I see what you mean now…”

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