Winterwatch update: more exciting pigeon facts

by articulatedsheep

 Following on from last week’s “Winterwatch” on BBC1, we can present some more exciting and informative facts about pigeons, to further educate you about these airborne vermin.

  • All pigeons are called Paul. This leads to endless confusion;
  • Pigeons have especially acute vision, which allows them to see far into their own future. Ironically, their memories are awful, meaning that the wisdom and insight that this awesome power could give them will forever be squandered;
  • The number of pigeons in existence has to be balanced out against an equal number of “anti-pigeons”, which are kept stored in a secure location in a sealed vault somewhere in southern England. Failure to maintain this cosmic balance would result in ‘cataclysmic consequences’, according to the director of the European particle physics laboratory CERN;
  • Many pigeons died during the Second World War carrying important messages, saving countless servicemens’ lives in the process. Many won the ‘Dickin Medal’, an honour bestowed on animals who show conspicuous bravery on the battlefield. However, in 1958 the British military establishment was rocked when it was demonstrated that pigeons do not have higher brain functions and did not have even the most rudimentary understanding of the concepts of war or bravery. The surviving pigeon winners of the Medal were ignominiously stripped of their titles as a result, and died in disgrace;
  • Many have idly speculated as to the reasons why no-one ever seems to see baby pigeons. The answer, surprisingly, is that all the pigeons that one commonly sees on the street are baby pigeons. Adult pigeons are six feet tall, only come out at night, and have an insatiable appetite for human flesh.

 

 

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