Archive for January 15th, 2013

January 15, 2013

Andrew Mitchell to be allowed to swear at plebs as much as he wants

by philapilus


Andrew Mitchell, Secretary of State for Intern...

Be sure to exercise your free speech when you meet an absolute shit

In the aftermath of the Plebgate scandal, the government has scrapped the law preventing people from being incredibly insulting, meaning former chief whip Mitchell can finally say whatever he wants to policemen.

Home Secretary Theresa May announced in the House of Commons that a Lords amendment ditching Section 5 of the 1986 Public Order Act was on the one hand regrettable, in that it was a boon to campaigners for free speech, but was still “Both necessary and desirable. Using insulting language is a vital part of keeping down oiks, proles and – dare I say it, plebs!”

The announcement was met with ecstatic cheers from the conservative benches, and May continued “My Right Honourable Friend can now go and properly mouth off at the wankers on the gates at Downing Street as much as he fucking well wants.”

Andrew Mitchell rose to

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January 15, 2013

Germany’s sense of humour finally found

by philapilus
Adolf Hitler in Yugoslavia.

He saw himself as Germany’s answer to Charlie Chaplin

After years of suffering the indignity of being internationally mocked for their inability to be funny, po-faced Germans have today discovered where their sense of humour has been hiding all this time.

Scientists claim that the 26-year old student who mooned a group of Hell’s Angels, threw a puppy at them, and then escaped incredibly slowly on a bulldozer, was clearly imbued with the entire condensed funniness of the last seven generations of the Germanic peoples.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Institute for Humour and Dog-hurling, said “Ordinarily, a nation’s funniness is spread more or less evenly across a population, and throughout the generations.

“What has happened here is that all

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