“Half the world’s food is absolutely yuck” says new report

by philapilus
bull ball

It’s not all bad; fast food burgers sometimes have actual bits from animals in them, like this.

The Institution of Mechanical Engineers has released a report which claims that around 50% of the world’s four billion tonnes of food is thrown away annually, because it is “Unbelievably disgusting and wholly indisgetible.”

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Institution’s Slough Roundabout branch, said “At first we thought that this waste was largely just down to edible foodstuffs being squandered through human error, inefficiency, and greed.

“But as we collected more data we found that almost all the food being thrown away tasted like  it was made of boiled baboon-anuses and raw bird-vomit. Maybe it was. We were too afraid to find out.”

The report states that the vast majority of the food being thrown away is produced by fast-food restaurants like McDonalds, “Who, judging from the taste, manufacture their products out of human sewage mixed with sugar and, for some reason, whale semen.”

Professor McEyebrau said “Of course, it might not be made of that stuff. It could be a lot worse.”

The UN’s head of world resource studies, Antonin Artaud, said “This research proves how disgustingly inadequate the management of the world’s economy is . Because the produce being wasted can’t all be sewage, there must be some actual foodstuffs buried in there too, which could be much better used in producing more non-fast food, or ‘edible food’ as it is sometimes known.

“That could then be used to feed millions of starving Africans for months, or Dawn French for a week.”

Unemployed food-fan Tim Twanks said “It’s all very well instructing supermarkets not to be so picky about what they’ll sell, or telling westerners not to buy more food than they can physically cram in their over-bloated bodies, which they then end up throwing away… um… there was going to be a ‘but’ in there somewhere, but I’ve forgotten what it was.”

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