Public sadness as Stephen Lennon is jailed

by philapilus
English Defence League march in Newcastle

If only they would…

Tributes and commiserations have poured in from well-wishers and public dignitaries today, after it was announced that the leader of the far-right English Defence League has been jailed for ten months.

Stephen Lennon, whose only crime was to attempt illegally to enter the United States, using a false passport – after being previously banned from visiting because of several other convictions including assault and drugs offences – has received countless messages of support.

“This is obviously just a political imprisonment,” said Nelson Mandela, “Stephen Lennon has always stood up for the rights of others, has always been uncompromising in his search for peace and equality. You couldn’t wish to meet a better person, with more love in his soul for everyone, regardless of race, creed or colour.

“He and I had a plan to paint a two-thousand-mile long peace sign on the moon, for all the world to see. Now there’s a chance that may not happen.””

Lennon’s EDL has grown hugely in recent years, and now boasts as many as ten or possibly even twelve supporters. It has its share of detractors, with namby-pamby liberals like the Ku Klux Klan calling them “A bunch of rightwing nutjobs” but for the most part Lennon remains a hugely respected figure, and a recent survey has revealed that almost no one thinks he is an utter, utter cunt.

Lennon borrowed the passport of a friend in order to visit New York, but to his great surprise discovered that airlines employ some sort of ‘security personnel’ of some kind, who actually check to see if you are who you say you are.

Judge Alistair McCreath made the extraordinary decision to stand by the USA’s insistence that it should be allowed to prevent the influx of violent, serially-convicted criminals, and sentenced Stephen Lennon to serve a British jail sentence.

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon said he would be personally remonstrating with the British authorities, adding “Lennon and the EDL have done more for racial harmony and brotherly love in the UK than anybody else since Enoch Powell – with the only possible exception being the Duke of Edinburgh. I will be vigorously campaigning for his release.”

Outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, said “Really? Jailed? It’s like fucking Christmas again, except this time I don’t have to do any work! This is fucking amazing! Hand me the champagne, I am going to get off my fucking tits!”

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