News Briefs

by philapilus
English: A pair of white briefs.


Shetlanders can keep heroin, say police

After the dramatic seizure of £140,000 worth of heroin, the Northern Constabulary has announced it will be releasing the confiscated drugs back into the hands of the dealers, and will not be making any charges.

PC McGarry No. 452 said “We was gonna nick the lot of ’em, and confiscate the drugs what we had found through careful detectoring.

“But then the old chief inspector, ‘e says, ‘Poor bastards, Shetland really is a right shithole’, and we thought about all of ’em sitting there on that miserable rock, and were forced to agree. So we give ’em back the heroin and threw in a crate of Happy Shopper super-strength lager.”

This surprising move by the Scottish police was made in accordance with a World Health Organisation recommendation, that all Scottish people should remain in a state of permanent inebriation or narcotic ecstasy, lest they look around soberly and then commit suicide en masse.


10 grams of no.3 heroin

The traditional Scottish method of preparing heroin is to deep-fry it in batter before injecting it through the sporran
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