Archive for January 3rd, 2013

January 3, 2013

News Briefs

by philapilus
English: A pair of white briefs.


Shetlanders can keep heroin, say police

After the dramatic seizure of £140,000 worth of heroin, the Northern Constabulary has announced it will be releasing the confiscated drugs back into the hands of the dealers, and will not be making any charges.

PC McGarry No. 452 said “We was gonna nick the lot of ’em, and confiscate the drugs what we had found through careful detectoring.

“But then the old chief inspector, ‘e says, ‘Poor bastards, Shetland really is a right shithole’, and we thought about all of ’em sitting there on that miserable rock, and were forced to agree. So we give ’em back the heroin and threw in a crate of

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January 3, 2013

“Rail fares still cheaper than chartering a private jet” retorts minister

by philapilus
Luxury yacht in the Gulf of Saint-Tropez, 2006

“It’s not like there aren’t other ways to get to work”

Lib-Dem rail minister Norman Baker hit back at critics of higher fares yesterday, and slammed suggestions that spending 75% of your salary just getting to and from work might be a bit unfair.

“Trains are incredibly reasonably priced,” insisted Baker “when taken against other comparable modes of transport such as helicopters, jets, or paying for a private canal to be dug between your domicile and place of work.”

He was forced to qualify this, however, adding “Unless of course you and a couple of neighbours got together for a helicopter-pool, jet-pool or canal-building-pool, in which case obviously rail is more expensive. But still, it’s bloody good value for money, I think.”

As the

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