BBC Chiefs knew about Savile’s Portal to evil dimension

by philapilus
Gordon Brown and Sir Jimmy Savile

Later on, of course, this photo showing him publically associating with the most reviled man in the country was to cause him acute embarrassment – but then he was a paedophile, so who cares how he felt?

It has been revealed that top BBC executives had known for some years about Jimmy Savile’s secret doorway to the Realm of Mephistopheles, one of the five known dimensions of hell.

Former Director-General, George Entwhistle, admitted yesterday that Savile had a small hole in one of his elbows, through which he could communicate with the demon lord, K’rrgkwkwizzlfg.

Operation Yewtree officers announced this morning “A key witness has confirmed that within the higher echelons of the BBC, Savile’s calling forth of unholy demons was considered ‘an embarrassing pecadillo which we were advised to ignore, and to cover up wherever possible’.”

It is now understood that by reciting passages backwards from the infamous black magic tome, The Bumper Book of Thatcher’s Speeches, Savile could draw devils forth into our dimension through his rectum.

A Former-former Director-General, who asked not to be named as Mark Thompson, as it isn’t his name, said “It took Jimmy up to seven, agonising hours of anal-distortion and tortuous exertions to eject one small, spiky demon. They were usually about four and a half inches high as I recall.

“Of course, there was shit, and blood and pus all over the walls by the time he had finished, and the man looked like he had been buggered by a rhinocerous, but we all thought, ‘He’s a paedo anyway, so who gives a fuck?’

“Ah…um…er…that is to say, I mean… what I meant to say was…oh shit…”

As the horrible story of a profoundly unpleasant man who exploited and abused disadvantaged children and young girls continues to dominate the news, critics have suggested the public’s prurient interest in the investigation showcases a nasty side of British society.

Dame Janet Smith, who is heading the investigation into the BBC’s conduct at the time Savile worked there, said to the press “This guy was a fucking cunt. He did horrible things, and hopefully he is both rotting and burning in Hell. And we need to find all those involved, who are culpable for allowing such monstrous behaviour to go unchallenged.

“But you don’t have to be so bloody gleeful and gossippy about it, you bunch of twats. Stop pretending that your reporting of it makes you anything other than peddlers of voyeuristic horrors to a semi-literate populace of salivating fuckwits. Just fuck off, will you?”*

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*We are legally obliged to point out that these might not have been her exact words, but what is certain is that she tore into assembled journalists with a chainsaw, hacked away their offending limbs, and then drank the blood spurting fom the wounds.

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