Satire broken; expect long delays

by philapilus
English: Still frame from White House video of...

Anti-establishment rage just seeps out of his every pore

With an audible crunch and the screech of metal twisting and scraping, satire crashed and broke down this afternoon, as the news was announced that Nirvana have asked Paul McCartney to replace Kurt Cobain at their reunion gig.

Satire’s sudden crash caused a massive pile-up, with incredulity, nausea, despair, anger and eventually numbing indifference, ramming into it, unable to stop.

Nirvana, with their teenaged angst, and simultaneous ability to shill for corporations whilst being appropriately vocally self-loathing about it, epitomised the music and mood of youth in the 90s.

Despite their somewhat limited repertoire of sound, expression and subject, they were, for many, the sound of a decade; a decade in which McCartney was already a stage dinosaur, and musical irrelevance.

The news that Dave Grohl and that other guy had asked Sir Paul to sing with them has finally convinced everyone that 2012 will indeed be the year of the apocalypse.

Kurt Cobain was an edgy, aggressive, manically depressed tour-de-force, whose sharp lyrical barbs made lots of thirteen year olds think they were Deep.

McCartney was famous for being in a great band and then undoing years of excellent work by following it up with absolute shite. For decades. He also publically badmouthed the one in the band who was actually talented, and he is generally characterised by being somewhat upbeat, not to mention, a great flapping pair of twatlips.

McCartney was apparently chosen after first Rolf Haris and then Paul Daniels turned down the band’s request.

Dave Satire, a satirist, said “Ordinarily I would make a quip, that was biting, sarcastic, vitriolic, perhaps a bit childish or scatalogical, but would generally leave you with the pleasant warm feeling of seeing someone else get batshit angry about fuckwits doing fuckwittish things.

“But actually all I can do is sit here with my head in my hands till the RAC turns up. Please move along, there is nothing to see here.”

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