‘Now just hang on a frigging minute!’ say ordained women

by philapilus
Adam and Eve

The whole problem started with this dopey cooze; “Eat the apple, oh go on, eat the apple.” Idiot.

The recently unsuccessful campaign for women bishops reformed itself around a new purpose this morning, following the government’s announcement of changes to the rules of royal succession. 

The changes will allow Prince William’s first child to succeed automatically to the throne, even if he has a girl — a move which women liberals in the CofE have condemned as a violation of all that is natural and/or holy.

Large commedienne Dawn French, who has played a vicar and therefore knows what she is talking about, said “Women everywhere have struggled for the right to be the one in the funny hat and robes who tells all the ones in the funny robes but without hats what to do.

“I mean it’s pretty demeaning that the furthest a woman can currently get in the church is being allowed to wear a dog-collar. So we’re all for change. But moving to a situation where a woman can be king?! No way. I mean, what would you even call that? It’s not right. I am not judging, but it is just not right.”

The new Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, said “A woman automatically eligible to be head of the church? Jesus Christ, what’s next?! Um…sorry, that wasn’t blasphemy, that was…a prayer. Yep, I was praying. What is next, O Lord?”

But the government insists that this modernising measure is necessary, and hopes to drag royalty, church and the aristocracy into the mid-twentieth century.

Nick Clegg, who Cameron allowed to announce the Succession to the Crown Bill (much like even an arthritic mangy dog gets thrown a bone occasionally), said “But we already have a queen; all we are suggesting is that if a girl is born first, she doesn’t have to then wait for all her younger brothers to die in wars or plane crashes, like the runt in a litter.

“Oh, and the heir to the throne can now be a Catholic as well.”

At which point the entire General Synod and all the clergy of the Church of England had simultaneous heart attacks. (Large commedienne Dawn French also had a heart attack, but not because she has played a vicar.)

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The Morning Babel would like to refute the charge that we encourage fattism; we promote healthy eating, and campaign vigorously against junk food and lardy bastards.

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