Downing Street plays down catfight

by philapilus
English: Fighting Cats

We’ve restaged the action using animals. No politicians’ wives were hurt in this re-enactment.

A late night catfight between the residents of Number 10 and Number 11 Downing Street has caused the Prime Minister and the Chancellor of the Exchequer some embarrassment this morning.

Both Mr Cameon and Mr Osborne were keen to play down the incident, which was captured in a photo and displayed on twitter.

Samantha Cameron and Frances Victoria Osborne apparently bumped into one another outside, whilst taking out the recycling, and after some angry words, the ongoing feud between the two women erupted into a no-holds-barred catfight.

A witness said “Sam came out and was like taking the piss out of how George was booed, right, at the Olympics innit? And Frances was all like, ‘shut yer face, cow’ and Sam was like ‘Make me, you slag’ and then they was at it for real, like hair-pulling and ripping clothes and proper having it out.”

During the tumult, Samantha was seen using new, dirty streetfighting methods, such as the ‘Newcastle tit-twister’, and the ‘Glasgow Gash-Grab’, whilst Frances used more established upper-class martial moves, such as the ‘Harrington’s Hairmesser’ and the ‘Kensington Knicker-rip’.

Downing Street police attempted to separate the wives, but their efforts were hampered by the appearance of Andrew Mitchell, who crashed his bike into two officers, dismounted and unleashed a volley of blows with his briefcase.

The two women were eventually separated when Sandra from Number 13 came out and threw a bucket of water over them, saying “Leave it out, yer slappers! You got any idea what time it is?! Ave yer?!!”  

The catfight is thought to be the worst seen in Downing Street since Cherie went and tried to scratch out Sarah’s eyes after What She Said About Our Euan.

Rick Head, spokesman for the PM said “David Cameron and George Osborne met this morning, and discussed the outbreak of violence. The two households have agreed to draw a line under the incident, for the good of the nation.

“The First and Second Lords of the Treasury have each agreed to Have Words with their wives, and the conflict is to be put behind us.”

Randy Liberal Democrat Mike Hancock apparently turned up moments after the brawl had finished with a video-camera, and was seen leaving again in floods of tears, moaning “I missed it” I missed it!” over and over.

English: The Bennett Sisters

Margaret Thatcher famously Got It On with Ann Heseltine in a bout that critics called “Preternaturally unarousing”

%d bloggers like this: