Prince William: “Not enough is being said about my wife’s breasts”

by philapilus
prickly paddy melon (Cucumis myriocarpus), Wil...

Everyone likes melons

Prince William, the future King of Britain, has lashed out at the press and at common people around the world, for not showing enough interest in his wife Kate’s nipples.

In a statement released by the Royal couple today, William insisted that if Kate is indeed going to be Queen of the world’s ninety-sixth most important country, then people should jolly well start ogling her chest a bit more.

Photographs of the couple sunbathing were published in a French magazine last week, with the result that a few randy Frenchmen nudged one another in the ribs and probably said things like “Hawhehaw; les Anglais, huh? She ‘as ze nice boobies, for an English tart, n’est-ce pas?”

But, not content with the lack of interest shown in Kate’s tits, the Royal Family expressed outrage and shock, ensuring that the story grabbed headlines all over the world, and the pictures have been subsequently reproduced on the internet approximately one hundred and fifty seven million times.

Royal Correspondent for the BBC, Dawn French (who got the job after suffocating Nicholas Witchell) said “Today the Prince and his wife go to the courts in Paris to ensure that this dreadful invasion of their privacy is given the due international consideration they feel it deserves.

“William is very proud of Kate’s perky pair, and was devastated when Prince harry told him he had Googled ‘Kate topless’, and had to scroll through 58 pages of links before eventually finding her.”

Stuffing a cream-cake in her cheek-pouch, French added “Mmmf mmf unggh mm mf mfff!” swallowed, and continued “They aren’t bad you know, even if I could only just about get two of my chins into her teensy bra.”

On hearing the news about the topless snaps last week, Rupert ‘Howling Mad’ Murdoch is reported to have cackled maniacally, rubbed his hands together and said “It’s payback time, Britain!”

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The editor would like it to be known that the Francophobia and fattism of this article are completely unacceptable, so you don’t need to write in and tell us, you fat frogs.

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