Prince’s arse unveiled as new stamp

by philapilus
English: Prince Harry at a 2009 charity match ...

This picture shows Harry’s hairy arse superimposed on top of a polo shirt, to make it funny to Daily Mail readers.

The unending diarrhoeic stream of shit written about the posh idiot who was photographed with his clothes off*, has given rise to a media feeding frenzy, which hacks and Royal Correspondents alike are calling “A Perfect Arse-storm”.

The third in line to the British throne (you know, the one not genetically related to Charles in any way) caused controversy – again – when pictures of him cavorting without his clothes on in LA surfaced earlier this week.

And then, within about five minutes, were seen by everyone in the world.

The Royal Family icily confirmed that the pictures were indeed of the prince, and called upon the British press to respect their privacy and not to publish the images.

The entire media industry responded by laughing themselves so silly they pissed in their pants, and then sent back a joint memo saying “That was a cracker! Tell it again?”

The BBC’s Royal Correspondent, Lenny Henry, who got the job after defeating Nicholas Witchell in a murderous knife-fight, said “Obviously the prince’s posterior represents a bottoming-out for the Royal Family’s luck this year. They were doing well, with the Jubilee, but now they have been caught with their trousers down.

“The cheek of the world’s smartarse press in publishing these photos has angered the Queen herself, who said ‘This is the worst bummer we have had to endure this summer’. But Prince Harry will not escape her wrath either, and will almost certainly get a spanking for this. Basically his behaviour puts his personal repute at rock bottom. Have I used the word ‘buttocks’ yet? No? Ok; Buttocks. Now am I funny?”

But the prince, who struggles to get by on his meagre allowance, and who apparently hates having to do all the travel and partying he does at the expense of the British taxpayer, has decided that this public interest in his arse represents an opportunity for him to cash-in. 

He has therefore had a Royal portrait photograph of his arse taken by Mario Testino, and the image will adorn a new range of stamps, to come out early next year.

Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee said “Taxpayers pay taxes, which the pampered, rich Royals leech; using our taxes to fund their opulent, pampered lifestyles, and getting rich using the tax revenue they tax from those with humbler incomes and statuses, to make themselves even more famous, rich and pampered. And this fame of course allows them to make even more riches, whilst still taxing us.” 

She paused for breath and added “But really this is all the fault of the overpaid middle classes, people like you and me. This is our fault. We did this by supporting them, by buying into their corporate enterprise, by funding them. You and I. We make me sick.

“Except you make me even sicker than I make myself, because you then throw away yet more of your money making me richer by paying so much more for the wittering, wanky opinions of people like me and Monbiot than they are worth. Which perpetuates the triumph of the bourgeoisie. So really the most despicable, blameful person in all of this is you. You bastard.”

But plumber Pip Pipeline fom Plumbstead, said “Is it his arse on the stamp? Looks just the same as his face to me. You look at that and tell me you can tell the difference between his arse and his face. No, you can’t can you? See?”

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*Yes, we know we’re adding to it, thank you very much. Smartarses.

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