Veteran broadcaster David Dimbleby will sail around the British Isles for a major new BBC series investigating how essentially talentless people are given plum jobs because they had famous fathers.
Dimbleby was formally launched by the Queen from a slipway in Southampton earlier this week in preparation for the trip, after undergoing last-minute fitting out, including the installation of a number of ties designed especially for the journey. The ceremony, attended by a selection of press-ganged BBC South journalists, climaxed as the Queen broke a bottle of champagne from Dimbleby’s own extensive cellar across his hull, saying “God bless this Dimbleby, and all who sail in him.”
It is expected that Dimbleby’s stately progress around the UK will be followed with the same fervent excitement as has greeted the Olympic flame, with cheering schoolchildren waving little BBC flags as the well-fed newsman’s bulk hoves into view from over the horizon.
“I’m looking forward to looking into Britain’s unique obsession with hereditary entitlement”, said the semi-senescent chairman of Question Time. “The Diamond Jubilee has really given me cause to reflect on the situation whereby, because my father was Richard Dimbleby, I have been given a range of high-profile, but profoundly unchallenging, roles at the BBC over the last 35 years – including presenting a programme about British history for which I am eminently unqualified.”
“I mean, I say, that it’s given me ‘cause to reflect’ – of course, I haven’t actually carried out any such reflection on account of the crushing sense of absolute entitlement with which I have been imbued since birth.”
In a little-known addendum to the BBC’s Charter, the Corporation has a contra-deal in place with the Royal Family whereby if Dimbleby dies before the Queen, she will have to provide the official commentary at his state funeral.
Over the course of the series, Dimbleby will interview:
- Dan Snow, whose highly impressive 2:1 in History apparently makes him qualified to present a wide range of documentaries on a range of historical topics about which he clearly knows nothing, and whose position is in no way due to his famous father,
- Practically all the children of the Beatles,
- James and Elizabeth Murdoch,
- Dappy from N-Dubz, whose father is Admiral Sir Mark Stanhope, the First Sea Lord.
Dimbleby will also spend time during the series heavy-handedly patronising some poor people.
In the autumn, John Humphries will present a companion series, investigating the role played by elderly, patrician journalists who still hold the belief that they are dangerous outsiders. Including interviews with David Frost, John Simpson and Jeremy Paxman, the series is expected to provide opportunities for Humphries to demonstrate his profound lack of knowledge about anything other than an incredibly narrow view of Westminster politics, while still impressively retaining a working class chip on his shoulder.