Archive for March 12th, 2012

March 12, 2012

No articles about Nick Clegg today

by philapilus
English: Shirley Williams, Baroness Williams o...

Having a go at this poor old dear would be like running up to Simon Weston and saying "Hey, mate: You're REALLY handsome...NOT!!" You vicious bastards...

In a surprising move, the British press has today made a uniform decision not to bother printing anything about the sorry state in which the Lib Dems – well, to be honest you already know. Which is precisely the point.

After the combined might of Clegg and Shirley Williams failed to control the party at its Gateshead conference, the editors of every newspaper in the country issued a joint statement that “It’s really just not worth writing about Nick anymore. It’s like stapling a corpse to a wall in order to be able to execute it by firing squad.”

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March 12, 2012

“I was completely off my tits” says Prince

by philapilus
Cocaine powder

"This is rally good shit, homies"

An aide to Prince Harry has issued an important correction to all the newspaper stories which reported that the Prince had been ‘choked up’ on his recent Commonwealth tour.

Apparently Harry had actually admitted to being ‘coked up’, but due to an over-reliance on Microsoft spellcheck – stemming from piss-poor education – virtually every Fleet Street Royal Correspondent had managed to misrepresent the Prince.

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