Archive for February 8th, 2012

February 8, 2012

Jubilee concert will be “shittest ever”

by articulatedsheep

Gary Barlow, who, of all people, will be organising the concert to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in June, has assured the public that the event will “truly be the shittest ever live music event”.

“Remember the concert for the Golden Jubilee in 2002?” asked housewive’s favourite Barlow. “The one that began with Brian May playing electric guitar on top of Buckingham Palace, when you could almost hear the entire nation muttering, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake’ under its breath? Well, imagine that – times 100.”

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February 8, 2012

PETA plan backfires; killer whales face legal action

by philapilus
Dave "surfing" on top of Katina, the...

This man is suing this whale for making him look like a complete prick in front of people, allegedly.

A case brought by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) against SeaWorld Orlando, for enslaving five killer whales, has managed to gain serious attention in the US, but with unforeseen and potentially grave consequences for the animals.

PETA’s lawyer, Xave Blubber, had gleefully announced at a press conference that a judge was considering whether the whales were eligible to be considered unlawfully enslaved under the terms of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution. No sooner had he returned to his office, however, when he recieved notification of some seventy lawsuits immediately being filed against the whales. 

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