“We don’t understand how elections work”, say angry Labour and UKIP MEPs

by articulatedsheep

Labour and UKIP have reacted angrily, and essentially incoherently, to the announcement that Lib Dem MEP Diana Wallis is stepping down, only to replaced by her husband, without an election being held.


Look! I'm on the Eurostar!


This is because European Parliamentary elections are held on a list system, and if the sitting MEP on a party’s slate steps down, the next person on the list for the same party is entitled to take that person’s place.


The next person in this instance is the sitting MEP’s husband.


This has been the system in place for European elections since 1979.

“Well, I think it’s very clear to everyone involved that I have next to no idea what I’m on about,” said a fuming UKIP MEP. “I mean, it’s nepotism, isn’t it? What we should do instead is have a by-election – a procedure for which there is absolutely no provision under European Parliamentary rules, and which is essentially unnecessary because the list system involves electors voting for a party, not a candidate.”


“I am clearly a staggering dimwit,” the MEP continued. “Oh, and something about quotas, as well.”


Former Europe minister and Rotherham Labour MP Denis MacShane said: “By any standard of nepotism it is unacceptable that a long-standing and entirely accepted principle of European elections, which we all had a hand in deciding when the EP was established, and which has operated in exactly the same way for the last thirty years, should be allowed to run its course in this instance.”


“Nick Clegg needs to sort this situation out. No, I can’t tell you how he should sort it out, because I am a politically illiterate moron.”


Professor Geert Oranjeboom of the University of Dutchland said to TMB, “Yes, it’s true that the European Parliament is a toothless and unaccountable collection of has-beens and almost-weres. Yes, it’s true that it does an appalling job at holding the European Commission to account. Yes, it’s true that it costs a fortune to run, and there’s very little evidence that it accomplishes anything of value apart from give a few hundred people something to do. But… but… sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought.”


Wallis herself has been unrepentant. “I’ve done all sorts of stuff as the EP Vice-President,” she said today. “For a start, I’ve given the twenty-fourth highest number of speeches of any MEP during the 2009-2014 parliamentary term.”


“Surely that must count for something?”


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