Archive for ‘Politics’

April 14, 2014

Daily Cartoon: Mr Cameron Goes on Holiday

by philapilus

Today’s Cartoon of the Day is another delightful gem from the Grauniad’s very own Stefan Belle! Entitled ‘Mr Cameron Goes On Holiday’, Stefan has really got to the heart of what a selfish b*stard the PM is for going on vacation again!! Ooooh those Tories are evil!

April 10, 2014

Cameron’s Europe manifesto “Unlikely to mention Maria Miller”

by philapilus

David Cameron will this afternoon be launching the Conservative manifesto for the European elections, in which he will not be making constant references to the recently departed culture secretary.

“Let me make this clear: this is NOT about not talking about Maria Miller”

In the speech the Prime Minister will say “Europe” quite a lot, and will also frequently use the word “Britain”.

Whilst saying these things he will simultaneously not be saying “Maria Miller”, “Culture Secretary” or “Expenses”.

This has surprised many

April 9, 2014

Miller in shock resignation

by philapilus

David Cameron’s Cabinet was in turmoil this morning, after the completely unexpected resignation of Culture Secretary, Maria Miller.

The stairs that Maria wasn’t pushed down yesterday

Miller, whose tenure has been marked by an admirably laissez-faire approach of careful and principled inaction, had been thought of as one of the government’s key fixtures.

Her departure is as unexplained as it is sudden, and her own party colleagues were as shocked as members of the opposition.

Lord Tebbit, one of the Conservatives most thoughtful and ever-temperate

April 7, 2014

“She has my complete support” PM backs Maria Miller’s application to Dignitas

by philapilus

David Cameron today leaped to the defence of his embattled Culture Secretary, calling her critics “circling vultures”, and demanding that “we all just forget about the expenses thing now, stop searching for scapegoats, and let her get on with the important work of falling on her own sword.”

Might as well use up the stationery whilst you still can

Mr Cameron said “I have absolutely no intention to sack Maria, she is an excellent minister and MP, and I reject all calls for her to resign. Let me make myself clear; I will not bow to pressure, and she will remain in my cabinet right up until her plane leaves for Zurich.”

Maria Miller, who got into trouble claiming

April 2, 2014

British air invaded by foreign pollution that doesn’t even pay tax

by philapilus

Can’t understand English at all

The government has issued health warnings today, after a bunch of foreign air pollutants from as far afield as the Sahara desert began descending upon the country in their millions.

A Defra spokesman said “Emissions from Europe and dust whipped up from the Sahara by strong winds will make normal, patriotic British breathing much harder than usual today.

“We feel strongly that it is important to highlight the foreign nature of these contaminants, and most especially to direct your attention to the fact that if it weren’t for these pollutants, everything would be great, and you’d all have

March 27, 2014

Sport: Flyweight ‘In/Out’ title, Farage vs Clegg

by philapilus

The best bit was when they had both fucked off

Anticipation ran high ahead of last night’s title-fight for the coveted European ‘In/Out’ belt, and an unprecedented crowd of 147 people arrived – more than have ever come to see either fighter before.

The match was mired in controversy before it even began, after a weigh-in on Tuesday which had seen both men struggle to make the minimum weight limit.

Accusations came from both entourages that the opposing fighter had stuffed his pants, but even

March 25, 2014

Daily Cartoon: Martin Rowyerboatson

by philapilus

Today’s cartoon of the day, syndicated from the Gauridan, showcases the brilliant talent of Martin Rowyerboatson. Martin, like his comrade Steve Belle, knows how to use the fine scalpel of subtle satire to operate on the bloated, diseased body of that evil old world!! 

 

This cartoon doesn’t have Cameron in, but if it did, he would be shiny and pink, and look really stupid! Grrrrr to the Tories!!!!

March 19, 2014

Proletariat to get drunk and play bingo after brilliant budget

by philapilus

Who says the Conservatives don’t understand modern Britain?

There was widespread praise today for George Osborne, after his egalitarian budget distributed tax breaks to the wealthy, and bestowed slightly cheaper beer and bingo on the unwashed masses.

Lumpenprole Wendy Nailinthehead said “Lor’ bless ‘im, the gennelman ‘as noticed us in our plight, and provided for us. ‘e’s a reg’lar saint. I can’t wait to go and spend me babby’s child allowance down the bingo ‘all.”

Big-fisted coal-miner and drinker, Alf Ardup, said “I don’t know much about economics. That’s for them as has school learning. But I am very thankful to them for the cheaper beer.

“Once a year I’ll be able to afford a whole extra pint, and on those nights the wife’ll get even more of a kicking when

March 19, 2014

Tony Benn could share Thatcher honours

by philapilus

“It might look grand, but essentially it’s just a place where morons scream at each other, with as much probity as retarded children fighting over a stick in a forest”

After John Bercow’s suggestion that Tony Benn’s remains lie in state in the Parliament chapel, the Labour party has formally asked that he receive the other honours bestowed upon Margaret Thatcher after her death.

Ed Miliband announced to the Conservatives that “As Mr Benn was such an incredible statesman, a member of this house for five decades, and a person of great integrity, we would like to honour his remains, in the same way that we all did the corpse of that insane tyrant.

“We were hoping you would join us in curbing your seething resentment, and at least giving the semblance of being sorry he’s dead, whilst we drone on and on about how great he was for

March 18, 2014

Sanctions on 6 Russians fail to deter Putin from swallowing Crimea

by philapilus

Russia’s credibility has reached the ‘jumping the shark’ stage. “AAYYYY!”

Experts say that the international community’s robust and vigorous imposing of sanctions on Russian diplomats has not yet managed to change Russia’s plan to annex the Crimea.

The region, which voted overwhelmingly to become a Russian republic at the weekend, was described by Vladimir Putin as “Mouth-wateringly succulent, with a lingering aroma of aniseed”.

Mr Putin told the Russian parliament that “The democratic wish of the Crimean people to be devoured, must be respected.

“Speaker of the

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