Archive for ‘drugs’

June 5, 2014

Death of Alexander Shulgin proves drugs are bad, say authorities

by philapilus

Unlike, say, a plastic bottle containing 2 litres of vodka mixed with meths, these *might* make you seriously ill.

The Department of Health and the Home Office issued a joint statement this morning, in which they pointed out “an undeniable link” between Dr Alexander Shulgin’s work in psychoactive drugs, and his death on June 2nd.

The government’s spokesperson on drug policy, Percy Spoke, said “This is clinching proof of what we have been saying all along; drugs kill people.

“Far from being a form of sensory experimentation no more inherently dangerous than cigarettes or alcohol, ecstasy-use is the sort of body-poisoning that catches you unawares, and BAM! You’re cut down in your prime, at the premature age of 88.”

Dr Shulgin, a respected

December 31, 2013

2013 in headlines

by philapilus
English: Morgan Freeman at the Cannes film fes...

‘The greatest statesman of our era’

Once again TMB brings you a round-up of the major news stories from the last twelve months, which is our way of helping you impress everyone at the New Year’s Eve party with your amazing memory (and not at all an easy way of churning out an article without actually doing any

December 12, 2013

Mandela memorial event signer had acid flashback

by philapilus
English: Nelson Mandela Statue Nelson Mandela ...

“In my mind’s eye Madiba turned into this enormous beast and started attacking the symbols of Western Imperialism. That’s when I knew it had ‘gone bad’.”

The interpreter responsible for translating speeches into sign language during the memorial service for Nelson Mandela has blamed his completely nonsensical interpretation on “a crazy acid flashback”.

In an interview posted on the Grateful Dead’s website, www.dead.net, Mr Dyantyi said “It was, like, craaaaazy daddio! Lights and stars and rainbows everywhere, bursting into fireworks of spiritual evanescence. And beautiful pink badgers started appearing all over the stadium.

“Then, quite suddenly, a cohort of zebras marched past, telling me to wave my hands to the groovy

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