Joyful London declares ‘Bob Crow for Mayor’

by philapilus

‘You utter bastards’

Many Londoners were ecstatic this morning in their support for Bob Crow and striking Underground workers, and called for immediate elections, to install the rotund trade unionist as mayor.

Striking London Underground employee, Cob Brow, said “Bob is the best of us. He nestles us in his rolls of flesh like a mother hen taking chicks under her wing.

“If it wasn’t for this brilliant and meaningful strike, which will achieve all our goals in one fell swoop, we would be hurled into the indifferent maw of the BoJo monster.”

But not everyone shared this sentiment.

Wendy Nailinthehead, whose journey to work this morning took 2 1/2 hours, said “Whilst of course Boris is a complete lying twat, who has gone back on his election promises about not closing tube stations, right now I would like to push Bob Crow’s face through a plate glass window.

“Yeah, I’m vaguely left-leaning, or at least, I once voted for Blair, and I don’t want to see tube workers made redundant, but at the same time, oh my fucking god, was my journey shit this morning.”

Some people remained confused about what to think, citing the fact that both BoCro and BoJo are fat, awful, overpaid men, who are equally despicable.

Pensioner Tim Twanks, who spends his entire day riding the tube to keep warm because he can’t afford to heat his small flat, said “It’s trite to say that it is ordinary Londoners who are suffering. But also kind of true.

“If the unions were fronted by someone slightly less obnoxious, I would support their cause more. Mind you, if Boris wasn’t a scheming, venal, egotistic, lying shit of a man, I might support his cause more.

“On the whole, I think I would just like the tube to run. I’m freezing my nads off.”

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