‘There’s definitely no property bubble in London’ say London estate agents

by philapilus

‘This lovely bijou residence combines rustic charm with proximity to a busy freight railway line, for soothing night-time ambience. A steal at £799,999.’

A consortium of London’s estate agents has rejected a report by Ernst and Young, which claimed high property prices in the capital are forming a bubble.

Rick Smarm, Property-Asset Enrichment Broker at Foxton’s, said “The London property market is literally as safe as houses.

“There is not even a slight chance that anyone should hesitate over spending £1.2m on a garage-conversion bedsit in Elephant and Castle, because you know what? Next year that cosy little space will be worth twice as much. At least.”

Dreamhouse Enabiliser, Randy Tuberculosis, added “London house-prices will never fall, and that’s a constant; just like death, taxes, or Freddie Starr’s liberty.

“And I’m not just saying that because I am still paying off my Porsche; I just genuinely can’t see a single reason why prices would drop. I mean they’re going up right now. Why would they suddenly stop? Who would that benefit?”

Critics of the London property boom say that Ernst and Young’s warnings should spur the government into action over the chronic housing shortage.

They call for regulations to limit London’s property market from functioning as an investment portfolio for the global super-rich, and to make housing available to the increasingly left-behind ordinary Londoners.

But London’s egalitarian mayor, Boris Johnson, said “This call for regulation is a, um, a towering blancmange of inconsequential piffle, you know, sort of, um, complete balderdash and frippery.

“Why on earth should we punish decent hardworking chaps just because they, um, have a few quid in the bank, just so that we can subsidise housing for layabouts and scruffy, you know, people with, with, you know, those jobs where they get a lower, oh what’s it called? You know? A wage! That’s it, a lower wage.

“Well, they should just bloody well, you know, go and get a job with a, a higher, you know, that thing; a higher wage. Bingo.”

Londoner Wendy Nailinthehead said “I was lucky, I got in when the market was still affordable, and I only had to pay £600k for my 1 bed flat in Kingston.

“As long as I can keep working until I’m 98, I’ll be laughing.”

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