Archive for February 3rd, 2014

February 3, 2014

Report confirms nobody likes it when you talk like a dick

by philapilus

“Say ‘chillax’ again; I dare you, I double-fucking-dare you…”

A study by the Slough Institute Of Shut the Fuck Up has confirmed that when you act and talk like a twat, it is not endearing.

Author of the report, Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “You know when you post Facebook statuses that begin or end with the word ‘methinks’? Yeah, everyone hates that.

“It’s even worse when you say it in actual conversation though. You know how people kind of wince when you make some jolly comment like ‘time for another beerski, methinks!’? Guess what; they’re not doing that because you’re so funny.”

The study was commissioned after everyone said they had just about had it up to here with

February 3, 2014

‘There’s definitely no property bubble in London’ say London estate agents

by philapilus

‘This lovely bijou residence combines rustic charm with proximity to a busy freight railway line, for soothing night-time ambience. A steal at £799,999.’

A consortium of London’s estate agents has rejected a report by Ernst and Young, which claimed high property prices in the capital are forming a bubble.

Rick Smarm, Property-Asset Enrichment Broker at Foxton’s, said “The London property market is literally as safe as houses.

“There is not even a slight chance that anyone should hesitate over spending £1.2m on a garage-conversion bedsit in Elephant and Castle, because you know what? Next year that cosy little space will be worth twice as much. At least.”

Dreamhouse Enabiliser, Randy Tuberculosis, added

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