Happiness “not guaranteed” by sitting alone watching others have fun

by philapilus
British journalist and writer Polly Toynbee, p...

Polly discovered via a friend’s status that everyone had been invited to the party except her.

A groundbreaking article published by the Public Library of Science has suggested, for the first time, that sitting at your computer staring at pictures of other people having more fun than you, might not be the path to true inner peace and well-being.

The study into the correlation between social networking and existential despond was conducted by Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Who Gives A Toss.

McEyebrau said “What we have found is that if you take an average person, make them stare for hours at pictures of their friends having a good time at some event or other to which the subject has not been invited, whilst playing Eric Carmen’s ‘All by Myself’ on a loop in the background, then the subject will often experience what we social scientists call ‘unhappiness’.”

Polly Toynbee, the Guardian’s resident doommonger, said “What this shows is how absolutely awful all social media definitely are. They are nothing but tools to control and dominate us.

“Zuckerburg is actually a puppet, and Facebook was almost certainly dreamt up by a Tory thinktank during the 1990s as a way to make the working classes more miserable.

“We let this happen. This is all the fault of the established liberal middle-classes, people like you and I. But mostly you.”

Sceptics have questioned the research, however, and suggested that massive depression may be avoidable if you refrain from checking Facebook every minute of every single fucking day.

A spokesperson for Facebook said “If people are too thick to stop looking at each other’s profiles even when it is making them reach for the razorblade, then the gene pool is probably better off without them.

“Hang on, we haven’t started the interview yet have we?”

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