It was confirmed this morning that America has told Russia it isn’t its friend anymore, after president Obama said “You can’t never play in our den never again forever and ever. Times infinity, So there.”
Russian officials were quick to respond to the diplomatic snub, with Putin reportedly stamping his foot, and threatening “I’m going to tell on you, America. Teacher says that’s not nice. Not nice to be a meanie. You’re gonna be in trouble and sit on the naughty chair. I’m telling, you’re smelling. So there.”
Relations between the two countries have deteriorated rapidly over the Edward Snowden asylum affair, but in fact deeper problems underlie the international rift, after Russia accused America of “Doing a spastic impersonation and then saying that’s what we’re like”.
Russia said to several friends on Monday that America smells and does poos in its pants, but the USA went even further yesterday, telling tattletale Sweden that Russia is a ‘bumtard gaylord’. Subsequently both countries were kept inside for morning break, and were not allowed in the playground, whilst the teacher told them what that word meant.
The recent cancellation of bilateral talks has exacerbated an already grave situation, and the froideur in diplomatic relations is expected to diminish further once the USA finds out that Russia stuck a note on the back of its t-shirt sayin ‘I am smelly’.
International relations analysts say that there is a significant risk of both countries being put in the time-out corner, or even sent to the headmistress, if they don’t start playing nicely by the time the cookies and milk are handed out.