F is for ‘Fuckwit’
People who spend far too much time on Facebook have said that it is only a matter of time before the social networking site takes over your mind, and eats your soul.
Status fever once again swept amongst millions of users, as – fuelled by mass paranoia - they copied and pasted meaningless, entirely non-legally binding twaddle aimed at curbing the company’s imaginary infringements of their rights.
“I saw loads of my friends all posting this long clever-sounding message, asserting that Facebook did not have the right to take control of their lives, and rob them blind.” said Mark Twat.
“I read the first line or so, panicked, and quickly reposted it as my status, in case that evil Mark Zuckerberg steals those photos I took of my cat, and turns them into a calendar from which he’ll make even more millions.”
He snorted and added “That’s just the kind of thing he’d probably do. But now he can’t. I WIN.”
Lawyer Dick Splash, of Yewlby, Shatton, Buggerd and Pisston, said “Actually what all these people have posted online is about as legally sound as writing your will on a cloud, using an imaginary pen.
“But hey ho, there’s one born every minute, and it keeps the money in circulation.”
A spokesperson for Facebook said “I am not quite sure why everyone seems to think we spend our lives trawling through the hundreds of billions of appallingly shite photos and godawful amateur videos that the proletariat continues to upload. When actually we spend our entire time rolling around in piles of cash, laughing at how much we’re making from advertising revenue.”
“I mean, do you really think we are likely to have any use whatsoever for Mandy Crinklebottom’s ‘Summer BBQ with my peepz 2007″ album? Apart from being dumb enough to buy all the shit we bombard your sidebar with, you are of no use to us whatsoever.”
Nevertheless, the evidence shows that across the world hundreds of millions of people continue to live in abject fear of the inevitable encroachment of the social media giant into their lives.
“There is a simple answer here of course,” said someone who had thought about it for eighteen seconds, “Don’t upload anything, or better yet, don’t use the site, you fucking morons.”
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The Morning Babel asserts that it is the sole owner of its online content, and refutes the right of Mark Zuckerberg to claim prima nocta with our wives and daughters, or come round our house and take all our CDs - which he was definitely planning on doing.
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