Did you know that all around the country, animals are retiring from faithful service for the police force with nowhere to go but the glue factory?
Right now, police dogs, police horses and police stool pigeons that have reached the end of their usefulness are being sold to the people who make Pritt Sticks and UHU. Or if they aren’t of high enough quality for that, some even end up in the factory that produces Asda’s prime lean mince.
BUT HELP IS AT HAND!
PCGG is the only registered charity that exists solely to rehouse used police horses with rich, bent newsmongers and their lackeys.
Take Rebekah Brooks. Allegedly one of the most twisted souls currently plaguing the world, Brooks managed to find it in her heart to take on a retired police horse, saving it from the mincing machines, or – god forbid – ending up in a children’s petting zoo.
But the problem is, there just aren’t enough hateful, amoral, venal ex-journalists coming forward to take on the vast menagerie of animals that the Met are throwing out every month. Those that do selflessly receive free animals from the police, tend to choose the dogs or pigs. Very few people seem to want to look after full-grown horses.
Are you a grasping little shit who writes garbage for a living?
Do you have a spare field?
PCGG needs you!
Why not receive a free, riot-trained police horse? These animals are highly intelligent, and come with a vast skillset; equally capable of smashing a hippy’s skull with their front hoofs, or charging a phalanx of defenceless wheelchair-users.
Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth! Take one home today!